were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
