Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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