The maid of honor just puked.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
...so i touched it.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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