Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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