We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
