Buhtt sex?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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