I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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