just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
