don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Naked Twister starts at high noon
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
