Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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