i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
the raccoons are back...
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