if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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