Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
