he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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