I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
