why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
