she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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