One girl and one boy is just not enough.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
