Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
