My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I need water and some morals
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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