If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
