Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
