we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
