come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
