see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
