no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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