New low: just hacked my moms facebook
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
