Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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