I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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