I like to think it a success when the cops are called
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
