i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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