im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
