You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
