tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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