Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
