thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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