He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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