At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
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