walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
