my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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