I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
