i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
