farters have to be the big spoon...
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
i now understand why vodka
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
