Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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