My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
