That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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