i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Randomize
