Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I had to cum in my sink.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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