Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
