These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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