I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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