shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
