Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
