Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
