So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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