My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
