Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
