I want to stick my p in your. b.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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