Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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