Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
