She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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