i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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