I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
The Olympian is in my bed
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
