I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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