I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
