my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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