Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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