having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
