It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Randomize