so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
