Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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