mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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