just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
