i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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