So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
