In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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