dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Panties = found
Randomize
